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1
Grind or blend all rempah ingredients — dried and fresh chillies, garlic, shallots, lemongrass, turmeric, and galangal — to a smooth paste with a small quantity of water if needed, working the mixture until no visible fibre remains, so the paste fries evenly without raw pockets of shallot or lemongrass burning at the edges while the rest is still raw. The finished paste should hold its shape and show a deep ochre-red colour.
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2
Score the cheek of the fish head in three deep parallel cuts down to the bone, so the hot curry liquid reaches the thickest meat and cooks it through in the same time as the thinner surrounding flesh. Remove the gills, rinse, and pat dry.
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3
Heat the lard in a wide, deep pot over medium heat and add the curry leaves — they will splutter immediately in the hot fat, releasing their volatile oils into the base of the dish in a way they would not in a water-based liquid. Add the rempah paste and fry, stirring constantly, for 8–10 minutes until the paste darkens by two shades, pulls away from the sides of the pot, and the raw-shallot smell is entirely replaced by a toasted, fragrant aroma.
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4
Add the thin coconut milk and tamarind liquid to the fried rempah, stir to combine, and bring to a steady simmer. This is where the dish lives or dies: taste the curry liquid before the fish head enters the pot, because the acidity from the tamarind must be clearly and distinctly present — a counterweight to the coconut milk richness, not a background note — and once the fish is in you cannot reduce the liquid aggressively to concentrate it without overcooking the head. Adjust with additional tamarind liquid if required before proceeding.
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5
Add the whole okra to the simmering curry, then lower the fish head carefully into the liquid cut-side down so the scored cheek is submerged, ensuring the deepest and densest part of the head is in direct contact with the hot liquid rather than exposed to the gentler steam above. Cover and simmer for 12–15 minutes — do not exceed 15 minutes — and test by pressing a skewer into the deepest point of the score marks: the meat is done when it is just opaque and pulls cleanly away from the bone, with the collar and lips firm but yielding.
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6
Serve immediately in a deep bowl with the curry liquid visibly present around the head as a soup component. The long-simmered collar and eye socket will have given the liquid a perceptible body and sheen — a light viscosity clearly distinct from a thin broth — so ladle generously, as this enriched liquid is as much the dish as the fish itself.