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1
Place the glass noodles in a bowl and cover with cold water and soak for 15–20 minutes, until fully pliable but not soft — cold water hydrates them gradually so they absorb the dressing later rather than having already swollen shut. Meanwhile, soak the dried wood ear mushrooms in a separate bowl of cold water until supple, then drain and slice. The noodles are ready when they bend without resistance but still feel firm between the fingers.
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2
Bring a pot of unsalted water to a full rolling boil; the water is left unsalted so the noodles do not take on extra seasoning that would throw the carefully balanced dressing off later. Drain the soaked noodles, lower them into the boiling water, and blanch for 30–45 seconds exactly, then lift them out immediately, drain, and cut the bundle into 10–15 cm lengths with scissors. This is where the dish lives or dies: ten seconds beyond the window and the noodles collapse into a gelatinous mass that no dressing can rescue — they are done when cooked through but still carrying distinct bite, translucent, slippery, and springy to a gentle press.
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3
In the same or a separate pan of boiling water, cook the minced pork, breaking it up as it poaches, until just cooked through, then add the prawns and cook until they have turned pink and opaque throughout, and drain both so that no residual cooking water dilutes the dressing when the salad is assembled. The proteins are ready when no grey or translucent flesh remains.
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4
Whisk together the lime juice, fish sauce, sliced chillies, and nam prik pao in a large bowl to form the dressing, whisking rather than stirring so the nam prik pao dissolves evenly and does not sit in clumps that would give some mouthfuls a concentrated hit of smokiness. Taste: the balance should be sharply lime-forward with a full savoury underpinning from the fish sauce.
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5
While the noodles and proteins are still warm, add them to the dressing bowl along with the shallots, dried shrimp, and wood ear mushrooms, then turn everything together thoroughly so each noodle strand is coated — the warmth opens the noodles slightly so they drink in the dressing rather than letting it pool at the bottom of the bowl. A properly dressed batch will smell fragrant with lime and fish sauce rising together, and the noodles will appear glossy and evenly coloured rather than pale and undressed.
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6
Add the celery at the last moment before serving and toss briefly, keeping it separate until now so its water does not bleed into the dressing and thin the seasoning. Transfer to a platter; the celery should be audibly crisp when bitten — if it has softened, the salad has been held too long.